Hey friends & family, it’s been a while since I’ve last blogged. And I must say, I’ve missed it.
For those of you who may not know, I recently started a new job back in February as a practical nurse. I’ve learned so many things in the last few months in regards to my career, myself, and the Lord.
When I started working at the nursing home, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know who I would meet, or what kind of experiences I would encounter. All I knew at the time was that God was calling me to this leadership position to serve Him and grow as a nurse and in my faith. However, we as humans tend to go a little off course when our focus isn’t on Him. Unfortunately, this is what happened to me. I allowed myself to get too caught up in other distractions which at the time, I didn’t realize were distractions.
As I look back, I can actually pinpoint where I began to start wandering from the Lord and moving in my own direction. I remember Him telling me, “Sara, do not lean on your own understanding.” However, I chose to do just that. God was continuously telling me to trust and acknowledge His way, but I wanted to do things my way.
I prayed and asked God to help me keep my eyes fixed on Him, but I knew that the enemy was at work in my life. I kept believing the lies about myself and my future that he would whisper into my ear, and I believed some of the lies to be true. At one point I had started to question if my faith was even real.
“Do you really believe what the Bible says about this Sara?” the enemy would whisper. I started doubting my faith and began trading God’s Word as the Truth in exchange for the lies that Satan would throw at me. I began compromising my values and began to revert back to my old ways of thinking.
I knew that I had been going astray the moment I started neglecting my relationship with God. I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying effectively and fervently. I stopped going to church. I stopped reaching out to others. I pretty much pushed everyone else out of my life for the sake of my own desires. I wasn’t myself anymore and knew I needed to get back up again.
Once I started realizing the physical and emotional effects that sin can have on someone, I began to realize the most important thing we can do once we’ve gone against God’s will is to repent. Repent as in, feeling sincerely sorry for what I’ve done, and turning away from it. I knew I needed to do that in order to get back up again.
It wasn’t an easy decision to turn away from what I knew was not right. The enemy fought long and hard to keep me trapped in sin. I could feel the effects of sin on my life as I was always tired, and had other health complications which I knew at the time were a result of my sin. I had friends and family tell me that I’ve changed, and there was one point on my recent trip to Kentucky where my pastor’s wife had taken me aside and asked me if everything was okay. When she asked me if I was okay, I immediately began to break down into tears. I knew deep inside that I was losing myself, my relationship with God and with others.
As I continued to weep over my sin, my pastor’s wife used that opportunity to pray for me and encourage me to turn back to Him. God in fact does has a plan for all of us, but we need to trust and obey His will over ours.
There were multiple times where I would cry to my friends and family about how I had done so much wrong, and they would constantly remind me that Jesus offers forgiveness, and He is able to heal and restore us. I know from my own experiences that God is an expert at taking what is broken and restoring it, but I had such a hard time believing He would restore me again, and again, and again.
I truly believe that from this experience, I have learned to trust God’s will over my own. I’ve learned to never settle on what I think is best when God’s way is the best. I ‘ve learned to be patient and trust that even if I don’t see immediate results, God is at work and has a plan for my life. As the Psalmist says in Psalm 27:14: Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.