I must admit, there are days where I can’t seem to shake off the sadness. I can’t seem to pick myself up, lift up my Spirit, and walk on like a faith warrior. There are days where I can’t find the words to say, or to pray. At times I wonder if my obedience to God even matters, or if it even makes a difference.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.
Yeah, when I hear this verse, I begin to get quiet. I stop asking the question “why” and start realizing it’s not up to me to know all the answers. It’s not up to me to pick myself up, to make myself feel better by engaging in some sort of numbing activity “in the hopes” of drowning out my fears and failures. No, it was never up to me to create some kind of inner peace. It was solely up to Jesus, to show me where to go when I feel upset, alone, or afraid. It was God’s master plan to make Jesus our comforter in times of heartache. It was never our responsibility to try and find peace in any other thing, person, situation, or circumstance other than in Jesus Christ. If we do, we will only find ourselves in a state of disappointment and discontentment.
A few years ago, my source of peace was found in the way my body looked. My sense of peace came from the number that appeared on my scale. Eventually, it was no longer the weight that seemed to have a hold of me, but it was the way I felt after I would eat something that really messed with my emotions. On multiple occasions, there would be times where I would be laying face down with my head in a pillow, just sobbing because I was convinced I had eaten too much. I remember calling my parents, friends, and even my pastor, telling them that what I had eaten was just unacceptable. Of course, what I had eaten was nothing to be upset over, but I was very much under the impression that no matter what I ate, it would do something terrible to my body.
When I look back on those days, I try to count those times as a blessing in disguise. I remember in the midst of each of those cry-fest’s the only thing that seemed to work was by praying and asking the Lord to help me. I read every website, article, and book on “how to deal with your emotions” but none of them seemed to give me the ultimate peace that lies in Jesus Christ. When we make Jesus our peace, He gives us the ability to see what we wouldn’t have been able to see if we were walking through life on our own. He gives us the hope and light we need in times of despair. A good friend of mine, Shauna, reminded me today of what to do when facing feelings of negativity. She said to me, “pray, sing hymns, count your blessings and name them one by one!” God has blessed us, He has given us all the gift of life. How could we ever repay Him for all that He’s done? We simply can’t. But we can do this one simple thing: Trust Him, lean not on our own understanding and acknowledge Him in all of our ways. And when we do, we will find the peace we need to be carried through the difficult times and come out stronger in our faith in God than ever before.
My prayer is that you would be obedient to trust in the Lord and follow Him instead of your own ways. I pray that you would seek the Lord with all of your heart, your mind, and your soul.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.