My adolescent years were full of learning experiences I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Sure, there were many times where I messed up. I had made some very poor choices which of course had consequences.
But when I look back and think of all of those times where God’s grace and mercy can override those mistakes, I can’t help but praise Him.
And that’s what’s so incredible about His nature.
God can use any mistake, any wrong choice, and turn it into something for our good.
In my last years of high-school, I stopped caring about my grades and kept such a heavy focus on my appearance, and how much I was exercising and working out.
I idolized anyone who was “fit, skinny, or pretty” and wanted to look just like them.
Because of this, my grades went down drastically, and I was very close to failing some subjects. I remember one of my teachers telling me that they strongly recommended I go down to college level courses because my grades weren’t reflecting what University course grades should look like.
I didn’t know where, or what I wanted to do after I graduated. My mind was just so fixated on how much I was going to exercise and remain “skinny and pretty” for the rest of my life…
One night, however, something had changed in me.
There was this tug-at-my-spirit where I knew that the path I was on was only leading to destruction.
My joy had completely vanished leading up to this point, and I was crying almost everyday, multiple times a day because I truly didn’t see the purpose in life anymore.
I remember having this conversation with my mom, explaining to her how much I didn’t enjoy life and it completely broke her heart.
Once we had this conversation, I knew I needed to make a choice.
The choice was essentially to turn back to God and find joy, peace, and life again, or live the rest of my life on earth in misery…with no hope of eternity.
The choice was obvious, and I knew I needed to make it quick.
I couldn’t waste another day spending it on meaningless things like worrying about my appearance and about what I had eaten that day.
It was extremely hard to imagine myself without the disordered thoughts, because I had become so comfortable with the idea of living with an eating disorder for the rest of my life. It was my safe guard, and the one thing I could place my identity in.
But when I realized how meaningless and wasteful it was to worry about food and exercise every second of my day, I knew I needed God’s help. I couldn’t spend another day being distracted and led astray. He is where my true identity is lies, I needed to give up the eating disorder for good.
There hasn’t been a day where God hasn’t been showing me things about His Character and essentially using my weaknesses to be my strength, in order to glorify Himself in me.
He is teaching me things in His Word and through daily encounters with people and creation itself.
Once I began to allow Him to work in me, I started to see His goodness more clearer than I have. He has always been faithful, but I couldn’t see it as much as I do now because my thoughts were so focused on being negative.
Going back to school has allowed me to see How faithful He is, and redeeming all the time I had previously wasted in high-school with the eating disorder.
I have awesome grades this year, and that’s all thanks to Jesus.
I’ve met wonderful friends at school who have changed my life for the better, and I’m blessed for each one of them and all they do.
I have hopes and dreams of becoming a great nurse to someone in need, and look forward to seeing what God can use me for to fulfill His purpose for my life.
And last but not least, I’m just awe-struck at how God turned completely turned my life around. And I give Him all the credit for it!