It is well with my soul has been on replay for the last few weeks. I can’t help but listen to it any chance I get, because I know how powerful those lyrics can be.
The words minister to my soul, and it gives me hope and assurance of God’s providence.
“Though satan should buffet, through trials may come…That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and He shed His own blood for my soul”
“My sin, oh the bliss, of this glorious thought…Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord o my soul!”
I’ve come a long way since the day I asked Jesus into my heart again. It’s been a journey. A painful, yet beautiful journey because I can see how much I’ve grown in so little time.
I’d be lying to you if I said I’m completely healed from my eating issues. I still struggle, everyday, but not in the same way I used to.
When I didn’t have a relationship with God, I was utterly consumed with myself. From the minute I’d wake up, I’d already be planning out my workout schedule, what I was going to eat that day, how I was going to look, and so on. Everything was about me, me, me, and of course my body.
I was placing my identity in my weight, or in other things that didn’t matter.
Those days are long gone, but I still do find myself struggling to find peace. I’m no longer obsessed with my weight, but I still beat myself up over eating something I “feel” I shouldn’t have eaten. I base the feelings off of what my stomach feels like, or if I feel tired or bloated.
It pains me on the inside because I know God has greater plans for me, and to worry about what I eat is exactly the opposite of what He says in His word.
And I’m sure it pains Him to see my like this, day after day, trying to find peace in things that don’t provide the kind of peace He gives.
I’ve also been dealing with a lot of digestive problems since April which hasn’t been helping my situation, but I’m praying every single day that the Lord gives me rest, peace, comfort, and ultimately uses this trial as a way to strengthen my faith in Him.
My prayer is that God would use this time in my life for spiritual growth and dependance to Him for everything, not just somethings. I pray that God would give me wisdom to find the right answers from the right sources, and provide healing and restoration to my digestive system.
I want to thank those who have helped me along the way, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions on my end but I’m blessed to know there are people in my life who help in the best way that they can.