I stand here in a crowded space of my school, silenced by the voice of the Lord. He says ‘Sara, remember who Your maker is.” “What do you mean by this?” I question. He says “Remember Who planned every little detail about your life before you even brought to this earth. Remember Who placed You where you are right now, and how it all works together for good (Romans 8:28). Humbled by these statements, I stop myself from trying to reason why I’m not at the stage of life I’d like to be. I also refrain from trying to do what I’d like to do, or why I’m not doing what I “think” I should be doing (being in control). The most amazing thing about being in relationship with God is that no matter how much you want to be in control, He alerts you when you need to take a step back. He is ultimately in control, no matter how hard I try to be. If I know I am doing something that I sense is wrong, God will always correct me.
Yesterday afternoon, I was watching over my friend’s little puppy while she as at work. She told me to keep an eye on the dog because they like to chew on anything, especially on cords. I reassured her that things would be fine, that I would keep an eye out for any chewed items. Hours passed by, and I was really wanting to make a phone call to a family friend. I didn’t have my phone with me, so I slipped away from where the dog was and made the phone call in another room. I could have waited until my friend came home to make the phone call, but instead I trusted my own instincts that the dog would be okay. I received a message from my landlord asking how the dog’s were doing. I responded by saying “everything’s okay, they’re behaving just fine!” How did I know they were behaving if I hadn’t checked on them during that time I took to make a phone call? Instantly, I heard a little voice inside that said “You’re not being honest with your landlord”. I carried on with what I was doing, trying to ignore that thought. I reasoned with myself “There’s nothing wrong with leaving the dog alone for a little while, how much trouble could they get into without me being there?” Well, it wasn’t long after my friend walked through the door to notice that the dog had peed on a pillow, and pawed at a plant to the point where dirt was covering the floor. My friend yelled “Sara, Sara!” I came upstairs, afraid of what I was going to see. My friend said “You can’t leave the dog out of your sight, you need to leave them in their cage if you need to go somewhere.” The guilt sunk in afterwards because 1) I hadn’t obeyed my friend with what they asked of me and 2) I lied to them about saying everything was okay when it wasn’t. I believe that God has used this scenario as a way to correct me, and to inform me that I need to obey Him and nothing else. When I lie to a friend, I lie against the Holy Spirit. It’s interesting though, when I have lied in the past it didn’t have this much of an impact on me as it did now. Maybe this is because I have strayed so far away from God in my past, that “sin” was just a normal part of my life. However, God knows every thought and see’s what is inside your heart no matter how hard you try to hide from Him. I was convicted yesterday after this situation and knew I needed to work on getting right with God completely. Many times I have reasoned with myself that my “deeds” are what earns my salvation, when this is probably the most dangerous lifestyle I could possibly have. God is pleased when you do good things, but He’s not merely concerned about what you do, He’s more concerned about how you think. Maybe this is a season of conviction and correction, maybe this is an area I need to focus on the most to become closer to God than I have been. All I know is that I can rejoice during times of trial and error because I know that in the midst of it all, God is working all things together for my good.