Broken Record

It always strikes me to see people sharing their beautiful gifts and talents with the rest of the world. Mainly because, they’re using the gifts that God has given them to use in order to glorify Him, and partly due to the fact that they were able to discover their gifts, which I have been searching for in myself.
Way back when, when food and fitness were not as emphasized as they are in present day, I really enjoyed the arts. I would always take part in making crafts, putting together little projects, joined a scrapbook club, and I would design my own clothes, and had a fashion line called “Afit”. I also loved to sing and dance. I would perform dances to my favourite Hilary duff songs for the school talent show, and always come up with silly dances to perform at family gatherings with my cousins after our meal. As well as swimming, and gymnastics, I really enjoyed. But as I aged, my mind would gravitate more and more to the thing of food.
I’m tired of sounding like a broken record, in the sense that I have continuously told people about my issues around food, but I do believe that my brokenness from having to deal with consuming thoughts in regards to food, has led me so much closer to God. Because I’ve been consumed by food thoughts for so long, it has been a huge area where my faith is constantly being put to the test.
I know I’m not the only one who deal with this, so why does it feel like I am? I know I’ve been called to so much more that this, so much more than what I’ve been doing, but it’s not my fault. Our minds, they are so powerful. They can twist things around, and make us believe things that are the opposite of what is true. The real truth comes from a God. It is up to me, to listen to Him.
There is no sense in feeling ashamed for the way I’ve dealt with food in the past, I cannot blame myself, I am just human. But it is ultimately my decision in putting my faith in God, through Jesus christ, that He will provide me with truth.
So what is it that I’m trying to say? I am saying that It is time to move forward. To live a free, joyous life without being consumed and distracted by food and exercise. I can chose to lean on God’s word in everything that I do, or I can lean on my own understanding. But as I’ve learned throughout the years, that leaning on what I think or what others think doesn’t always leave me in the best position. In fact, the decisions that I’ve made when listening to things apart from God’s word, has led me to where I am right now. And right now, I am displeased with how I think and act toward food.
I’ve got to get out of the mind frame that says I’ll never eat like a “normal person”. When I compare myself to how others eat, it leads me to nothing but utter confusion. I wonder to myself if they are mindful about what they eat, or are not mindful. I wonder if they think about food in the same way that I think about food, but am quickly convinced that it is just me who has a problem with it. It causes me to play this huge comparison game which I’m not just frustrated from playing, but also weakened from playing it so long.

So today my prayer is asking God to help me to simply move forward. To ask Him if he can give me strength to overcome the consuming thoughts and temptations around food.
Now I am off to take a quick shower, and wait until it is time to head off to dinner with my Yaiyai and the rest of her close friends! 

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