This has been one of the most challenging and most uncomfortable times since I have had recognizable struggles around food. I feel very blessed and fortunate enough to be here with my yaiyai, as she warms my heart with her loving spirit and comforts me with memories I have with her from my childhood. As I spend more and more time with her, there is a reminder that I should not be restricting my food intake or limit the variety of foods that I consume. I am more aware that I should not be consumed with trying to be thin, as it takes away the focus from God, and His calling for my life. My natural figure was not made to be as small as I have been, and I am learning each day, to trust God instead of leaning on my own understanding in regards to food. I have opened myself up more to Him and th calling on my life He has, and with that, I have generally become more patient and willing to take on very uncomfortable tasks He has given me. Do I fear being a bigger size? Yes. But why should I fear this? What is so terrifying about this? Am I afraid that I won’t be happy, successful or loved if I am a larger size? The world feeds us with lies likes this, that being more lean, more fit, more thin, are the keys to a life full of success and honourability. Although there is nothing wrong with being lean or thin or fit, there is something wrong when I have placed my identity in those things. My identity is in Christ. My calling is to simply be His child, to love and to serve others. Luckily, my foolish desires of being a specific size for the rest of my life do not aline with being His child. I believe that God has chastened me during this time in my life, because He knows I am far from being in my comfort zone, and therefore I must have my faith in God not only to lean on, but to make myself readily available with open arms. In little steps, He has patiently and gracefully allowed me to let go of my fears and self desires, and simply live for Him as His child.