Who am I?

As I sit at a little tea bar in Santorini Greece, I stop to think about how good our God is.

At the beginning of this trip, I can admit that my intentions for this trip stemmed from selfish desires.

How can I plan my workouts for each day? How can I ease my way out of eating certain foods to maintain a small waist? How can I be as active as possible, so that when I return home I will still be “thin” looking.

These desires, however, do not accurately represent my true identity. Although the desires that I had were from myself, I knew that that were not from God. My true identity is in Jesus Christ.

I can describe the last few years of my life as a spiritual warfare between the enemy and God.

As I wake in the morning, God eagerly waits for me to rise out of bed and serve Him. As my good friend Julia has said to me, “He is so excited for us to wake up!”, but the problem which I often face is hearing who the enemy wants me to be, someone I am not.

When I wake up in the morning, I can already see with my eyes who the enemy says I am. The enemy shows me images of what I should look like in hopes of having a successful life. The lies that enemy presents in front of me, are appeared as someone who is thin and attractive, physically fit, perhaps even flawless.

Someone who is thin is beautiful and successful, the enemy sneakily whispers in my ear. Someone who only eats when is starved, and eats less bread or meat, is thin he says. I am forbidden to have sugar or anything that is considered “fattening “to my body,according to satan. But others who have different body types apart from mine can enjoy it, he says with a smirk on his face, but I can’t, because my identity must be someone who is thin.

I smile at this as I write because, I have actually believed this lie as the truth for the last few years of my life and was certain that the enemy was right. I worshipped false gods, I have worshipped many false gods that appeared to me as true gods. People who look perfect on the outside, or tried to be, that should imitate.

As I read more of the bible and find the answers to much of my uncertainty, I have found truth about where hope is found.

For in this hope we are saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?

His plans are beneficial to us, and yet somehow I have struggled to trust that His plan is better than my own.


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