His Timing is Perfect

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,  a time to tear down and a time to build,  a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,  a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Having His Word to fall back on brings absolute peace and assurance. There is a time and season for everything that we go through, which had taken me years to recognize until I was aware of God’s faithfulness. For some, taking a year off of school between high-school and post secondary seems ideal. It can be an opportunity to work or travel, or to relax and truly deicide what it is they want to do as their profession. But unlike most people, my experience of taking a year off was quite unique.During my time off of school I had been so confused about food and it had resulted in multiple disturbing eating episodes in my living room, major melt-downs, and having very little knowledge of who I was as an woman. In some sense,  I felt really destroyed, and impure by my decisions that revolved around food and exercise. I had a vicious cycle of eating a lot, restricting a lot, purging by running the treadmill after eating large amounts of food, it was mentally and physically unhealthy and dangerous in so many ways. I was just wandering life with no clear path or direction. I was stuck in place where I felt that I couldn’t escape and was trapped inside. I also felt that since I was trapped, I had a lot of my past to dwell upon. My past would haunt me, and would whisper in my ear that there is no hope for the future. I constantly felt like a failure. And while during this year I had many meltdowns and “failures”,  little did I know that there were blessings and victories, because of God’s timing. Now I know that all of this seems pretty intense, and might seem more negative than positive, but there is something beautiful about all of this. During this season, I had recognized that I was a child of God, and I am loved. During this season I had recognized that I am so weak, and so imperfect, and can only find strength through Jesus Christ. During this season, I knew that there was a lot of sadness, and mourning. But God promises that He will finish what He has started, and because of His truth, I knew that I would not be experiencing the sadness forever, only a season. If I had not experienced a time where I was literally on my knees, praying that God would forgive me for my sinful behaviours, I wouldn’t have been able to get outside of the walls in which I was trapped in. I had also realized that during the season of sadness, I was seeking a lot of my validation from the world. I would revolve my choices and actions around pleasing others whether it be through Instagram or twitter, which was actually a huge barrier between me living for God vs. living for others. But today was the first day I had ever heard God say, the mourning is over. All the pain you have experienced in the past is no longer something you need to dwell on,  and it’s time to help others with what you have been through. The darkest times of my past are times which I can carry with me and not feel ashamed about. I can rejoice in the Lord, I can shout it from the rooftop that God is good, He is faithful. And I want to point out that, I had been waiting for a day like today for years, but I had to have faith and trust God that His timing is for a purpose, a better purpose than my own and what I desire for myself. He always provides us with what we need, when we need it. He is a good Father.

May God bless you in any season you are going through, He will because He loves you so much that He died for you, praise God. ❤

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