Hello everyone! Happy NYE!
I hope all of you have something you’re looking forward to today, tonight, or tomorrow to kick off the new year. I wanted to talk about some of my thoughts I have about new years, that may be helpful if you’re feeling anxious about the new year and what it entails.
For me, each year I always have a new years resolution. Because of this, I tend to feel anxious about whether or not I’m going to accomplish my goal, and how long it will take to accomplish it. I also feel anxious about whether or not I’m going to make the time to accomplish my new years resolution. In previous years, my goals were to have a daily work-out routine to whip me into the best shape come summer. Had I known how dangerous this was for my mental health, I would not made that one of my resolutions. First of all, there is no difference between today, tomorrow, and a month from now. They are all days, and each day as the same equal opportunity to accomplish something you’ve been wanting to do. May I suggest that if you really have something you’ve been wanting to do, to start now? Don’t have the idea that because it’s a new year marked on the calendar, that you have to become a new you. I do however believe that each day that passes is an opportunity to become a better version of yourself, because of what you’ve learned from yesterday. Since January 1st is different than December 31st, have the mindset that you’ll have a new soul. As you should have that mindset on December 29th and December 30th. Each day written on the calendar is just to show us that time is passing us by, but it shouldn’t mark where or when we need to make changes. Make them while you can, make them right now.
I also wanted to reflect upon my year, as this has been one of the hardest years I’ve ever faced. This year I had a lot of great times, and a lot of disappointments. But I’ve noticed in myself how much I’ve learned and grown from each disappointment, and for each one that I didn’t call on God for, was kind of like a slap in the face.
Here’s a glimpse of my year:
January- First semester of college, and also a relapse (restricting calories, running everything off). I met some really nice people in my program, and fell in love with the college I was at. It was a good environment for me to be in, and I felt really good about being school after taking half a year off of school to work.
February- Learned more about myself, was still struggling a lot with exercise and food. I became more aware of my own habits.
March- I met a wonderful person who I now call one of my best friends, Cassie Wolfe. Our first time meeting we went to a restaurant called The Works, and this is where she helped me realize a lot of things I didn’t know about recovery, and really helped to push me out of the negative thinking towards food.
April- My first semester of college ended, and I chose to switch programs to a more advanced level which would begin in the fall. I decided to work from here on out until august. I also started guitar lessons.
June- I was saved by Jesus Christ, and was baptized with my mom on the same day. I went to a concert with some of my good friends Chantal, Nicole, Julia and Rachel.
July- I had a lot of ups and downs with food this month, but I remember it being a memorable month with friends. Lot’s of picture taking, beach days, coffee and dinner dates, movie dates, fireworks, everything!
August- I went to blue mountain with my family for the first time which was really nice. It was a really positive experience for me because I love long car rides, I was able to journal and read. I also did a lot of fun stuff like hiking, kayaking, swimming, paddle boarding, and yoga on the beach! I also went to my first ever boots and hearts country music festival with 3 other girls who were all so amazing and fun to be around. I had an awesome time.
September- my first experience living away from home for school. I started my new college program, and met some lovely girls in it. I also joined a Christian based group called the Solid Rock at school, and became part of a church in KW called the Embassy.
October- I won floor seats to Taylor Swift and went with my favourite family friends, it was amazing!
November- It was my birthday month, and it was tough. I had a lot of hard days with eating, I broke up with a boyfriend of over a year, I got headlice for the first time, but God was a huge help in all of this and I was able to get through it all with Him. I also posted my eating disorder story online for the world to see, and I felt so relieved knowing I didn’t have to pretend that I was 100% okay, or as “perfect” as people may have viewed me.
December- The season of giving began and I was so excited. I spent a lot of money on friends and family and felt great about it, and for the first year ever I felt that I really didn’t want to open any presents, I just wanted to spend time with the people I love. It was a stressful month because of final exams and it involved a lot of studying, but I managed to pass all my classes with good standing and am excited about applying to the nursing program. I also had a lot of hard times with eating this month as well, but with friends, family, and prayer I began to realize so much about myself and of life, which took away a lot of my worries and anxiety towards my everyday struggles with food and exercise.
So there is a very short, short summary of year. I met so many amazing people, and I feel so blessed because of that. There are things that I do want to work on, but that doesn’t mean it has to happen all at once. It also doesn’t mean I have to start because it’s the new year. Remind yourself that although new years is an exciting time of our lives, it is no different than yesterday.
If there is anything I can reflect upon that I know I have improved on since the start of the year, is with food. On special occasions, I would always dread going to them because I thought of them as food city. I was so afraid of what was going to be served, and how much I had to eat. I also had this mindset that I needed to eat a lot of food, and dessert to prove to my friends and family that I could eat it now that I’m “healthy”. But the truth is, you’re allowed to say no. If you don’t want to eat all that’s on your plate, you don’t have to. If you truly don’t enjoy the desert thats being served, or know that you will feel sick if you eat it, then say no. This year, for Christmas, I noticed a huge change in myself when it came to Christmas eats. I knew that food is something we all come together with, but the main purpose of Christmas is to spend time with each other, talk with one another and see how were all doing. It’s about making memories to reflect on afterwards, it’s not just all about food. I hope you all can take something from that, and enjoy the rest of your winter break. Enjoy the moments you get with you close friends and family members, and remember that food is not the enemy unless you make it be the enemy.
Until next time,