Cautions of Ed

Hey guys, I have had some really heavy thoughts in regards to eating disorders lately, I know I talk about it a lot but it is something that I personally beleive needs to be talked about more, and kept quiet about less. The idea of an eating disorder to many people in society is that, it is a choice. That whatever type of eating disorder it may be, is a choice made by it’s victim. This completley false guys, the true reasons behind an eating disorder are intentionally the opposite of choice, rather it is a biological, pyscholigical disorder that links to food and abdormal eating habits. It is not something that any of it’s victims would wish upon anyone else either, atleast I would hope. I’ve been thinking about it so much lately because my thoughts have been consumed a lot with food, and how much of it I should have, and what I should have, and when an appropraite time to have something is. I have lately been basing a lot of eating times based on a hunger que, whether it is that I am slightly hungry or absolutley starving. Sometimes, I wait until that starving point which I know is not good. And, when I am hungry, I don’t satisfy the hunger compleley which is also not good, because I end up eating less of what I should be, or end up eating more than what I should have had in the first place. I mean, I have convinced myself over the last few years of different theories I have towards food, and I’m trying to come up with or find out which theory is the most accurate, so that I will base my food thoughts off of that theory. It’s hard because, I think about food far more than a “normal” person would, therefore, I need some kind of theory to go off of. Last night I went to the embassy with some great people, and I optimsically had frozen yogurt right before the service, not hungry since I had dinner prior to the service. I was constantly beating myself up over it, and the thoughts reflected a terrible side of me that my friends had to witness. In their eyes, it wasn’t a huge deal, but from my stand point I was exteremley dispointed and felt ashamed of myself for acting this way. I know that God never wants us to feel ashamed, so I am doing the best I can today to forgive myself for how I was being, but it still hurts and feels as if I detremimented some personal relationships. Today, was another one of those days where I was thinking far too much about food, but I ended up eating a good amount of it. I just want people to become more sensitive to the fact that eating disorders are not a choice. They are something that takes over the brain, but people who are pro-recovery know that it is a process to get better at changing these thoughts and making them happen less frequentley, or fighting them off in a sense. That is my thought for today, Until next time, S.r ❤

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