What’s the BIG deal about a small size?

I’ve never really understood the importance of being a smaller size. I grew up in a society where being small was considered a gift, something admirable, something that was considered a “goal”, and yet I cannot seem to figure out why this is such a high expectation society has both males and females. I always subconsciously told myself that my eating habits would determine my size, which made the presence of food hard for me. But if I cut that thought about being small out of my mind, I would really gain a much better appreciation for food and the amounts I am blessed with. Today I went to pita pit with an old friend, and we ran into one our friend’s mom’s, who commented on my friend’s weight. She said “wow! you look good! You’ve lost weight haven’t you?” And in the back of my head I wondered, why is that considered “good?”. I’ve had similar comments said to me when I was losing weight, rapidly, during the beginning stages of my e.d. And for some reason, the validation from others felt amazing, but I still can’t figure out why. Back in the olden days, being small was considered  “unattractive” and bigger sizes were beautiful. They still are, but it seems that everyone wants to be a smaller size these days, and it truly bugs me because no one should have to feel that they need to measure up to society’;s expectation of what an admirable body looks like. This is what triggers me on a daily basis, because I am constantly caught between wanting to be thin, and wanting to accept my body for how it wants to look. My eating habits determine both of these, I either restrict myself or give myself certain rules around food to attain a smaller size, or I completely neglect any rule around food and let my body do it’s thing. It’s a battle, and is something that has really took a toll on my mental health, which is why I want to raise awareness. For girls who think they need to be a small size, guess what, there is absolutely no rule that says that in the bible. It does however say not to worry about food, drink or clothing. It also says not to worry about tomorrow. And I think that is extremely important, because it allows us to understand the true importance of living in the present and living life the the fullest. Now I’m not saying to completely let yourself go and eat yourself into a heart attack, but don’t try and make unrealistic goals for yourself that prevent you from enjoying the life you want to live. Trust me, after years of experimenting with food and trusting my body, I can honestly say that putting those thoughts aside will be a huge relief and you can really see the bigger picture “your purpose” in life. That’s all for now, until next time.

-S.R ❤

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