November 3, 2015

19

12185030_10153611073195977_3185245974739949247_oHey everyone! Hope everybody’s enjoying their Tuesday morning. I know it’s early but I wanted to start the day off with a good breakfast and blog before I head off to do some studying for midterms and have time to get outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. As you may or may not know, yesterday marked my 19th year of living on earth,yes it was my 19th birthday and I can’t wrap my head around that. I feel that life has been so incredible the last 19 years, and I feel so blessed to have the people and things that I do have in my life. Yesterday was a very hard day though, I was crying non-stop and had a hard time controlling my emotions. I think it’s because I’m lacking something very important in my life which is something I’ve wanted since I was re-baptized this past June and that is a better relationship with God. In June when I was baptized with my mom, I said wanted and needed a better relationship with God because I felt that I had way more control than I’m entitled too. I felt that I was living the way Sara wanted, and not what God wanted. I was holding back from certain things because I needed to feel control over my life, rather than letting God show me his vision of life he has for me.

Although yesterday could have been controlled by a better mindset, I let myself go completely and cried until I couldn’t let out anymore tears. I felt that this really hurt not only me, but my family, and friends, who were trying to make it the best birthday possible. I feel guilty, and I feel shameful because of it, but recently I have learned from one of my pastor’s who speaks at the Embassy is that, Christian’s do not need to feel ashamed because God has already washed away our sin and shamefulness when he made the sacrifice of dying for us. This doesn’t mean we can constantly make poor choices without any consequence, but it does mean that we don’t have be so hard on ourselves and be ashamed of our wrongs to the point where we can’t forgive ourselves anymore, God has already paid the price. We need to learn how to let go of what we think is tearing us down so that we can life ourselves up and carry on, in order to impact others in a positive way. Don’t let your mistakes define who you are, it’s done and over with. The person who you are is far more worthy of happy and peaceful life.

Turning nineteen has been scary for me already because I feel that I’m getting older way to fast, and I feel even more responsibility for taking charge of my life, my emotions, my everything, but today, as I am 19 years and 1 day old, I am going to commit myself to God as my number one. He is who will determine what goes on and how I’m going to deal with what goes on. He is my heavenly father who will support me and guide me throughout the journey of life, and the major events that come with it. He will be the one who I devote the most time to, and I’m so ready too see how much a difference he will make in my life like he does for others.

Until next time,

S.R<3

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