Hey everyone! Hope everybody had an awesome Tuesday, for me it feels like a Monday because I don’t go to school on Mondays, but for most of you it was probably a relief to have another day down getting closer until Friday!
So, lately I’ve been thinking about life, and how I wish I could have done things differently. But then I stop myself and say, no, I really don’t. If I were have to of done things differently, than I wouldn’t have learned from it.
An example was today in math.
Today I had a math mid-term. I thought I was completely prepared for it. I studied my butt off during the week and devoted half of the weekend to just practicing over and over math questions until I had enough confidence about writing the test. I did brutal. I completely blew most of it, because I couldn’t solve the questions being asked. It truly sucked once I finished the test and handed it in knowing that I did so bad. But, the what did I learn? Well, I learned that every mark I get in school is going to be perfect. And I think that’s where my mind was at before writing the test. I said to myself that I was going to Ace it with flying colors because I knew everything that could have possibly been asked, but the reality is that I didn’t know what was going to be asked and therefore I was probably a little surprised/overwhelmed at the questions in front of me. Next time, I will make sure I have a better attitude before going into writing a test.
My weight gain
Oh boy, what a topic. This is such an uneasy topic for me to discuss because I can’t decide whether or not it is a good or bad thing. All my life I was taught that gaining weight was seen to be negative, because it means you’re getting more fat. Wrong. Gaining weight can mean a bunch of things, like muscle gain or water weight, sometimes our weight is such a misleading interpretation of our self worth and I’m starting to let it get to me. On one end I am happy that I have gained weight because I’m allowing myself more time to do things that I truly enjoy, and I’m becoming less anxious around timing of my eating and exercise. Today I went all day without any exercise besides walking home from my bus, I was sitting in class all day until 5:30, and came home to have dinner and finish an essay for my communications class. I kept telling myself that I needed to make some time throughout the day for a workout, but instead I decided to wait until tomorrow when my body feels like it wants to.
I still haven’t decided whether or not I want to pursue nursing. The thing that steers me away from it is knowing how many other people in the world want to be a nurse, and how competitive the job search is going to be once I graduate. I’m no expert in predicting whether or not there is going to be jobs in the next 5 years, but I do know that I’m terrified that I’ll be going through years of schooling without a job in the end. I am however discovering new opportunities that my program can lead too, and it requires less of a mark cut-off than nursing because they are less competitive programs which truly does give me a sense of releif, and kind of a sense of excitement too because I’ve always wanted to do something different than everybody else. I don’t want to be a nurse because everyone else wants to be, I want to be a nurse because I love making sure people are okay and helping them. I know that other jobs can allow similar job prospects, but I’m still just unsure of what I want to do. Come time to apply for University, I think I’ll have a better idea.
Giving myself more credit
I truly think that lately I have been really harsh towards myself. I do this often when I am comparing myself to others and I truly wish I didn’t develop such a terrible habit. I often wish I had the body, or the hair, or the life of someone other than myself, and try to be like them. I don’t know why I do this, but I wish I could end it. It really isn’t healthy, and a really negative way of going about life. But I do know who I am on the inside, and that is most important. I just need to focus on loving myself for who I am and what I look like.
Over the last week, I haven’t been praying as much as I should have. I think this made a significant difference because whenever I decide that I’m going to do things my way, I often get disappointed. I need to get back on God’s path and start listening to him again, he was helping a lot during this school year and I think that once I do get back into the groove of things, I’ll be able to find myself in a much better place.